Quarter past three; job interview. They phoned yesterday exactly three minutes after I signed with an agency. Alarm bell number 1.
Googled the company. Interview to be held above a bar in the city centre. Alarm bell number 2.
Lift to third floor. Makeshift waiting room, disinterested receptions, Sting being played at high volume. Alarm bells 4, 5 and most certainly 6. (Who the hell listens to Sting instead of The Police?)
Kept waiting for half an hour. Led into an office by a suit wearing a young professional. Ended up interviewing him, pretty much. More alarm bells.
I should learn to listen more.
Met M for lunch at two. Actually it was at Seven. I never will understand the conversationally confusing way in which we name bars these days. Say what you want about the excision of taste required to visit a Hooters but at least you know what you’re getting.
Went to L’s later on, with M. Nailed two bottles of red. Not the best idea the day before an early start helping with the practical side of K’s ecology course but the first bottle of red was very convincing in its appeal for a house mate. Bed at three. AM that is.
Walked to K’s at nine. Fresh air and Street Legal on the headphones blew away the big squeeze (red wine hangover). Have decided Changing of the Guards is not only one of Dylan’s best songs, it’s one of his best poems as well. B drove to Rodley and we spent the day building a hide on the nature reserve.
Went to W’s for a few beers in the evening sun. Played football with the dog. That I felt some superiority at being better than the dog is the best statement for the hubris of man I have witnessed in a while.
Up early again! A picked up M and me at 0730 to help with Sport Relief at Stockeld Park. Spent the morning wandering around the woods wearing a high vis jacket. Went to The Windmill in Linton for a Sunday roast. Probably smoked too much but it doesn’t count on Sundays. Besides, I consider each one I roll another five minutes out of my pension plan. Here’s to David Cameron!
Woke up blue so I decided to discover Miles Davis. Started with Sketches of Spain, probably due to reading We Saw Spain Die. Only twelve pages in but the poignancy and relevance are already acutely evident. Socialism’s struggle against Franco, ignorant coverage by sensationalist media and the dithering of Western policy-makers only serve to flood the mind with countless modern day counterparts; labelling the Homs massacre ‘the Guernica of our generation’ being the most salient example.
I usually prefer to avoid the trappings of the Left/Right wing dichotomy but it is with sadness that I note the only appearance of true red in the modern vista is the mist that descends over the eyes on a near-daily basis.
Started a blog. Don’t quite get it but will continue to blindly tinker with the format until either I or the internet loses interest, at which point the internet will probably kill itself whereas I’ll just do something else.
Statement: I do not believe in fate or premonitions.
That said I feel strongly that my current situation will not last very long. I know that this feeling is merely my positivity coupled with the last week of job hunting paying dividends.
To clarify: I lost my job eleven days ago. My initial feeling was one of sheer relief; a feeling that has yet to subside completely. I awoke the following morning, dressed for the office and left the house, headed instead for a nearby cafe and wrote until my partner left for work. With the deadline for her dissertation two days away, I decided to say nothing until her work had been handed in; a mostly but not entirely selfless act, as anybody with a partner who tends to worry will understand.
And now here I am, eleven days on and still not much more than a flicker of concern because something will happen.
I still don’t believe in fate.
Got thinking about Darwinian evolution today. Having read, watched and partaken in debates between creationists and Darwinists I’ve notice that the argument usually focuses on the origins of life.
It occurred to me that I have never heard anybody argue the toss at the opposite end of the scale. My statement in this respect goes thusly:
Darwinian evolution does not merely explain the origins of life but also its ultimate destination.
Allow me to clarify (if clarification is at all necessary). 99% of all life ever to have existed on this planet is now extinct. Let me repeat this:
99% of all life ever to have existed on this planet is now extinct.
I realise that Darwin called his book On the Origin of Species but perhaps he didn’t fully realise what he had discovered, just as whoever invented the guitar thousands of years ago had no idea that he would give the world Jimi Hendrix.
Being out of work brings into sharp focus the idea of time as a relative concept. People pass by in a constant blur, like a time-lapse photograph. This is not to say that I sit idly by and allow life to race on towards the horizon; it cannot do so for there is no such place.
The “mainstream” of human existence is filled with imagery that shows life as a conveyor; one is either “on” or else the conveyor moves off into the distance, leaving behind the one stood to its side.
Time, for me, passed slowly today. The relative speed of its passing gives me an urge to find my own conveyor; one for which the speed is under my explicit control.
Received the final wage from my previous employer. The total was more than I expected, making Friday a good day. This event brings closure to my relationship with said employer, leaving a vista of choices and possibilities stretched out before me.
Had friends over for food and alcohol; less time spent thinking on life and more time spent actually enjoying it.
A few of us played a game in which you think of two funeral songs each for the rest of those present. One must be serious, the other comedic. Even putting the least amount of thought into this game provides an insight into how we see each other.
A friend and I marked the coming spring by taking a hike through the woods. To escape city life even slightly and for the briefest of moments is enough to inspire talk of a wider and more permanent escape. The simplicity of living life off the land is enticing.
Humanity’s most difficult puzzle thus far arose from converging societies whose ideas, beliefs and traditions had evolved independently. The urge to separate from the herd – if only to stop and breathe awhile – is almost tangible.